No matter how many children you already have, when a new baby enters the family, everyone is shaken up. Here are some tips to help you make the experience as positive for everyone as possible.

1.    Timing is important. Choosing when to tell other family members about a pregnancy depends a great deal on each person’s age. Your two year old will not understand what you are saying if you don’t look pregnant. Nine months is almost half his lifetime and way too long to be told he is going to have a new sibling. Wait until you are about five months along. At that point he can see where the baby is, and it gives him enough time to digest the news.

2.    Be inclusive. It’s important to include your children in your pregnancy. Let them feel your belly, especially if they can feel the baby kick. That will help them understand that a real person is about to be born. When you begin to set up the nursery or buy things for the baby, let your children be involved. They can help you choose colors for the nursery, brainstorm names, and pick out bottles and rattles. It’s important that they feel part of the process.

3.    Be sure your older children feel special. Spend quality time with each one of your kids before the baby comes, and let each one know how important he is. Remind him that as a big brother, he can help with the baby, who will have a lot to learn from him. Tell him you can’t wait to see what a great, loving big brother he is.

4.    Ask permission to take your children’s things. For example, if you plan to move your three year into a bed so the baby can have his crib, be careful about how you do that. Begin by telling your toddler that he is big enough now that he can get a big boy bed of his own. Let him help you choose special sheets, pillows, and blankets so that he feels ownership of his new bed. Be sure he is in the bed at least a month before the baby arrives. Then, you can ask him if the new baby can sleep in his old crib since he is a big boy now and won’t need it anymore. Make him feel special to be able to share something so important with his new sibling.

5.    Remember to find time for your other kids after the baby is born. Naturally, the focus will be on the new arrival, but it’s important to remind your older children that they are important to you and you appreciate their help during this busy time. Many times, company will visit with gifts for the new baby, and often for the siblings, too. If they forget the other kids, it’s a good idea to have a stash of small things that you can bring out for them to remind them that they are special. Wait until the company leaves, and then offer the kids a coloring book, puzzle or something similar as a thank you for being so understanding. When the baby sleeps, try to spend some quality time with the other kids.

6.    Be sure to encourage all of your kids to enjoy and appreciate one another. The more your family grows, the more important it will be that they all get along and truly love one another. Sibling rivalry will happen, but encourage the kids to work as a team, instead of feeling like they must complete for your time and attention.

Congratulations on your new addition! When the baby comes you will be exhausted and there will be chaos for a while. The more you can prepare, the better off everyone in the family will be.

Learn more about preschool development at http://www.preschoolteach.blogspot.com, by preschool teacher and writer Terri Akman.

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